Let’s Cut the Crrr… Curve Already
Humor and Bad Advice / 27 de agosto de 2017

Running from Bears The law school curve is a little bit like running from a bear.  Your survival isn’t dependant so much on how well you perform, but on how terribly the person running behind you performs.  In fact, your performance suddenly looks a lot better if you push over that kid over there, yeah, he looks pretty juicy and delicious.  Er.  Ahem. Well, law students may or may not be juicy and delicious (we probably taste like Power Bars and stale coffee), but we have gotten our share of law-of-the-jungle education through the application of the grading curve.  Our professors come into class and preach to us the virtues of cooperation, but then they turn around and grade based on a system that is inherently competitive. Why should they be surprised when students refuse to share notes with one another, or steal or deface library books?  Why should they be surprised when we are burnt out, because no matter how much we study, we might never get to the elusive top 10% and therefore will never get a job ever WE ARE FAILURES WITH OUR 3.5 GPA, CRY, CRY. The grading curve isn’t meritocratic.  It’s not an accurate reflection…

Sky is the Limit
Humor and Bad Advice / 27 de agosto de 2017

“He’s a white male with hair, Lemon. The sky’s the limit.” – Jack Donaghy The rationales for the grades that are distributed in law school are at best a bit murky. This is of course inherent in the grading of any non-standardized test. The curve serves to only make the rationale for any particular grade all the more nebulous. However, a course at my law school, which shall remain nameless since I would like to be employed at some point, has taken the already questionable grading methodology to new heights of subjectivity. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce “CHARISMA GRADING”. There are no exams in this course. We are graded almost entirely on a group presentation. According to one of our professors (both of which are older white males), a grade will be given to the whole group, but it can be increased or decreased depending on one’s “charisma” during the presentation because that’s totally not something that’s entirely subjective. For instance, EVERYONE finds BOTH TIM TEBOW AND RU PAUL charismatic, right? I’m sure whether one finds them charismatic DOES NOT vary with gender, race, religion, political affiliation, sexual orientation, attractiveness, and height… In other, PURELY COINCIDENTAL, news: all…

Extreme Procrastin…
Humor and Bad Advice / 27 de agosto de 2017

I almost finished my thought there, but I got distracted by my sock drawer.  You caught me.  I am an extreme procrastinator. I find procrastination excruciatingly painful yet gloriously exhilarating.  It is the closest I have come to the sublime in my law school experience.  And, each day that graduation comes closer, I feel a sense of urgency.  Not to study for exams and write papers ahead of time but to procrastinate far beyond my wildest dreams. However, here, I feel it is my duty to stop celebrating what I see as the awesome, slacker life and instead debunk some myths about the evils of procrastination. Procrastination is often described as some sort of obstacle, a bad habit, and even a psychological problem.  I disagree.  While I don’t think procastination is an art to be mastered, I do think it is a skill to be honed.  At least as a law student procrastinator, I believe wholeheartedly that procrastinators can be the best workers out there. Why? Because, through my observations at the workplace, many of the non-procrastinating Gunners have the hardest time transitioning into work mode.  The non-procrastinating Gunners who get the top grades at law school and trample other students along the way…

Don’t Be Yourself During an Interview
Humor and Bad Advice / 27 de agosto de 2017

I bet you’ve been told to “just be yourself” during an interview.  Don’t. Not because you’re awful, though maybe you are, and then definitely don’t be yourself if you want the job, but mostly because, what you want to do is be a constructed version of yourself, created ahead of time solely for interview purposes. Let me explain.  I’m not saying that you should try to be someone else or do plastic surgery to your personality.  I’m saying that you should go into every interview with a game plan.  Before any interview, you ought to have done at the bare minimum three things: 1)   Research 2)   Create a marketing strategy 3)   Understand the Value of Time and Timing Perhaps, you’ll only get a 20 minute slot, a lunch interview, or maybe you’ll have the luxury (and endurance test) of a full day into dinner and drinks extravaganza.  With each of these, every single moment counts from the time you respond to that first email or call (5 minute response time is a good rule of thumb in this modern day ruled by smartphones) to the very end when you thank the people at the front on your way out…

Dear Diary – Today, I had an interview
Humor and Bad Advice / 27 de agosto de 2017

Hikaru Sulu by DChun   I was trying to get into the building, and no one was coming down to let me in.  It was like 5 minutes before my interview.  I was so close to being late.  I finally called to get inside, and the interview started rolling.  Two minutes after we sit down my phone goes off, and my ringer was George Takei saying “ooohhhh myyyyyy.”  I grabbed my pocket and turned it off. Luckily, my interviewer said, as he was laughing in his thick NY accent, “That’s exactly what you don’t want happening in an interview!”  So, I made a joke of it and said “Sure wish I had a Kit Kat.”     Scotch Tape by CeCe   I got to the firm, checked in with the secretary, and sat down on the smooth leather chairs with the fancy modern glass table and its fancy glass vases.  I already started freaking out wondering if I should say “vAses” or “vahses” … “vAses vahses vAses vahses…” I looked down briefly to check to make sure I hadn’t dropped any food on myself when I saw that my skirt was unraveling at the seams.  I froze like a popsicle. …

PART I: Identifying A Gunner
Humor and Bad Advice / 27 de agosto de 2017

Gunners cannot always be identified by their visual attributes. Sure, they might wear a suit or look like they just stepped out of Caddyshack a bit more frequently than the rest of us, but it’s never safe to assume that you are in the presence of a gunner based on appearances alone. Accurate identification of gunners requires a more complex, thoughtful analysis. Auditory Identification Just as ornithologists identify birds by their songs, law students identify gunners by their unique auditory patterns (also known as ‘gunner songs’). Gunners are inherently self-absorbed, so it is not surprising that many ‘gunner songs’ begin with the phrase “When I”: “When I was working as (insert prestigious position at governmental institution or well-known corporation)…” “When I lived in (insert major metropolitan city and/or foreign country)…” “When I was at (insert ivy league school or prestigious international ‘uni’ a la Oxford or Cambridge)…” “When I was interning at (insert coveted summer internship position)…” If you hear anyone inject themselves into a discussion with any of the above phrases, you are probably in the presence of a gunner. To confirm, take a quick glance at your classmates. If they are rolling their eyes, groaning, or clenching their…